Järki-lehti

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Järki-lehti on uusi järkevien ihmisten aikakauslehti. Järki-lehti keskittyy ottamaan asioista selvää ja tarjoamaan faktat faktoina. Järki-lehti ei ole kenenkään äänitorvi, vaan pyrkii ideologioiden ja valmiiden vastauksien sijaan tarjoamaan mielenkiintoista ja ajatuksiaherättävää luettavaa kenelle tahansa.

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Kysy Jereltä 3/2013

 

Jere kavereineen kaivaa vastaukset kysymyksiisi. Jeren asiantuntemus kattaa kaiken tieteistä taiteisiin ja mustan vyön parisuhdetekniikoihin.

Pohdituttaako Bourdieu vai askarruttaako Aryabhata? – Kysy siis Jereltä!

Ellei Jere tiedä, niin joku hänen kavereistaan tietää. Jerelle voi lähettää kysymyksiä osoitteeseen: kysyjerelta@jarkilehti.fi


Minkä ikäisenä minun kannattaa napata itselleni aviomies?

Oletamme kysyjän naiseksi. Bottom-homoille ehkä sopivat samat ohjeet lievennettyinä. Top-homoilla on vähemmän kiire kuten heteromiehilläkin.

Psykologi Bettina Arndtin mukaan parikymppiset viehättävät naiset tottuvat siihen, että saavat halutuimpia miehiä, ja parikymppiset miehet joutuvat jatkuvasti tyrmätyiksi. Kolmikymppisinä miehet alkavat sitten saada naisia helpommin. Siinä iässä naisten on jo vaikea saada samanlaisia miehiä kuin ennen, etenkään sitoutumaan pitkäaikaisesti.

Arndt kertoo sekä tilastojen että sinkkuhaastattelujen tukevan väitettään. Sinkkuina on erityisen paljon koulutettuja naisia ja matalatuloisia tai työttömiä miehiä. Läheskään kaikille koulutetuille naisille ei mitenkään voi riittää koulutettua miestä, koska jälkimmäisiä on vähemmän ja moni heistä ottaa kouluttamattoman naisen. Sitten vielä moni koulutus on naisten mielestä vääränlainen – tai pukeutuminen tai arvot tai ulkonäkö tai pituus tai harrastukset tai tavat tai luonne. Osa vaatimuksista pitäisi heittää yli laidan ja lopuissakin joustaa.

Kolmikymppisinä naiset katuvat “ihan hyviä” miehiä, jotka päästivät käsistään nuorempina. Arndtin mukaan mies pitäisi siis etsiä parikymppisenä. Jos jättää kasin miehen saadakseen paremman, ennen pitkää on 40-vuotias ja voi saada vain vitosen miehen.


Voi olla, että aiheesta kirjoittaneet psykologit liioittelevat, mutta näillä perusteilla naisen ei pitäisi totutella ajatukseen, että hänelle “kuuluu oikeus” sentasoiseen mieheen, jollaisen hän pystyy saamaan 20-25-vuotiaana tilapäisseksiin.

Tarpeeksi hyvä luonteiden, arvojen ja halujen yhteensopivuus saattaa tietysti pelastaa vähemmänkin tasapainoisen liiton. Toisaalta etenkin nuoret ihmiset ehtivät muuttua vuosien myötä, kasvaa toisistaan eroon. Kannattaa silti katsoa enemmän yhteensopivuutta kuin “tasokkuutta”. Jos jotkin ei-halutut ominaisuudet haittaavat sinua vähemmän kuin muita naisia keskimäärin, katsele etenkin niitä omaavia miehiä, niin voit löytää helmen.

Kokemustensa pohjalta kirjan “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough” kirjoittanut Lori Gottlieb kertoo, miten naiset hylkäävät miehiä, kun nämä tuovat vääränlaisia kukkia tai haluavat liikaa seksiä tai eivät ole tarpeeksi charmikkaita. Lyhyiden, ujojen ja vähemmänkin vauraiden miesten pitäisi kelvata, ainakin vanhemmille naisille. Iän kasvaessa rimaa pitää laskea, tarpeeksi nopeasti, jottei tilanne vain pahenisi.

Ei kenenkään ole pakko ottaa miestä, mutta jos opettelee tykkäämään realistisesta miehestä, luultavasti parantaa molempien elämää. “Minä ansaitsen parempaa” tai “kehtaanko näyttää tuollaista kavereilleni, joilla on tasokkaampia miehiä” on tie helvettiin. Realistinen mies nyt vain ei ole sellainen kuin haluaisit.

Moni mies kummasteleekin, kun naiset, joille ei aiemmin kelvannut, alkavat kolmikymppisinä ottaa heihin yhteyttä ja vihjailla halustaan asettua aloilleen. Tilastojen mukaan naiset alkavat 29-vuotiaina kelpuuttaa treffipalveluissa paljon vanhempiakin miehiä – nämä ehkä olisivat jo valmiita asettumaan aloilleen ja tuskin vaihtaisivat myöhemmin nuorempaan.


Charles Edward Chamber – The Bride

Flaksi yleensä paranee vuosi vuodelta ja on huipussaan kolkyt ja risat -iässä – ja pysyy hyvänä loppuelämän, jos ei ole nirso naisen iän suhteen. Pysyvää sitoutumista tai lapsia ei kannata tehdä nuorena edes painostettuna, jos ei ole siihen valmis. Liian nirsoille miehille voi kuitenkin tulla lopulta liian kiire. Vain pieni osa naisista ottaa hyvin mielellään paljon vanhemman miehen, ja näistä naisista on kova kilpailu. Missään iässä kukaan mieskään ei voi saada juuri sellaista naista kuin haluaa, suhteessa on aina yhtä sun toista kestettävää pidemmän päälle.

Suomessa naiset katsovat ulkonäköä enemmän kuin Yhdysvalloissa. Suomalaiset miehet taas katsovat koulutusta ja varallisuutta enemmän kuin amerikkalaiset sukupuolitoverinsa. Suomessakin kuitenkin naiset katsovat koulutusta ja varallisuutta miehiä enemmän ja miehet taas katsovat enemmän ulkonäköä. Täälläkin köyhimmät ja kouluttamattomimmat miehet jäävät useimmiten ilman ja nuorten naisten on helpointa saada suhde ja etenkin irtoseksiä. Alle kolmikymppinen heteromies onkin keskimäärin kokemattomampi irtoseksin suhteen kuin samanikäinen nainen ja siksi joskus seksuaalimoraaliltaan pidättyvämpi.

Kovin nuorena kannattaa ehkä kokeilla erilaisia miehiä, jotta saisit vertailupohjaa, mutta jos 25 lähestyy tai on takana, älä hylkää kevyin perustein miestä, jonka kanssa voisit olla onnellinen loppuelämäsi. Laske rimaa sitä enemmän, mitä kauemmas taakse 25 jää. Älä odota, että prinssi tulee kotiovellesi valkoisen ratsun selässä, vaan etsi hänet itse!


 

Jäikö jokin askarruttamaan mieltä? Tiedätkö lisää jostain aiheesta tai haluat päästä korjaamaan Jereä? Kirjoita, ettemme joudu taas ruinaamaan kysymyksiä kavereilta! Kysymykset, palautteet ja rakkaudentunnustukset osoitteeseen kysyjerelta@jarkilehti.fi!


 

 

Kirjoittajasta: Jere

Jere on kaikkien aiheiden avulias asiantuntija. Hän uurastaakin väsymättä vastatakseen lukijoiden mitä tahansa aiheita käsitteleviin kysymyksiin. Kysymyksiä Jerelle voi lähettää osoitteeseen kysyjerelta@jarkilehti.fi

16 comments

  1. Jere says:

    Ehkä tosiaan nuo psykologit liioittelevat ja Suomessa on vielä astetta vähemmän hankalaa. Moni tuttu nainen on löytänyt ihan hyviä tyyppejä vanhempanakin, kun ei ole ollut liian kranttu. Aina joillain on myös huono tuuri.

    Yhdysvalloissakin avioliiton lykkääminen 30. ikävuoteen tai yli on naisilla yhteydessä selvästi suurempiin tuloihin. Ehkä nuorena lapsia hankkivat ovat erilaisia tai asettavat arvonsa uuteen järjestykseen, arvostavat perhettä enemmän kuin uraa. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jeffrey-sachs/professor-krugman-and-cru_b_2845773.html

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  13. http://www./ says:

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  14. WÅ‚aÅ›nie! Ja dopiero niedawno dowiedziaÅ‚am siÄ™, że tabbouleh to czÄ™sto mocno zielona saÅ‚atka z niewielkÄ… iloÅ›ciÄ… kuskusu! MyslÄ™, że to danie dla wybranych, przynajmniej w moim otoczeniu niewielu jest miÅ‚osników pietruszki, wiÄ™c tak duża ilosć byÅ‚aby powalajÄ…ca ;)KurczÄ™, lekah wyglÄ…da cudnie!Usciski…:)

  15. ……….not decided yet Graham mate, but it’s either a hill walking hol on the Isle of Skye, or sea, sand and alcohol in sunny Cornwall …….both sound good to me! ………….Davey mate, you know what they say about all work and no play …….and with all the juice our sexy Scot’s been knecking, I’m surprised she can remember her own name, let alone her password!……no wonder she can’t read our posts, I’m surprised she can see the fuckin keyboard!! ……….keep safe Davey mate …………………………Tony MrT

  16. http://www./ says:

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